Category: What makes my life spin.

Personal ATM is not me, kids. Get jobs or a sugar daddy.


Personal ATM

I love these girls to death but one of ’em is on the constant that I’m her personal atm. Look I’ll help you out for a bit but once I tell you the well has gone dry don’t ask two days later if you can have money. The answer will remain – your personal atm is going to deny your request for funds. I’m broke. No more cash and I still have over 200 dollars worth of bills to deal with. So, please tell me how I can make your life better.

Please, tell me but the answer will remain the same – INSUFFICIENT FUNDS!
It doesn’t matter how many days pass but I can no longer be your personal ATM. Do not feel bad about it and do not get mad at me about it. I’ve given you plenty of money over the past month and the gas is gone within two days. So, this only tells me you’re fucking around in the vehicle and not doing what you need to do. So no, I will not hand you anymore money. Get your shit together, take care of your kids and be happy. Do not let anyone dictate your happiness anymore and keep you down.
I want us all to succeed but I guess it’s gonna have to start with me. It’s time to get serious with my savings and become a dick about things. I hate not being able to help them but I got bills too.

It’s very frustrating when everyone comes to you to fix their problems and I only have one person I can rely financially when I need help. If she has it, it’s mine and if I have it, it’s hers. That girl is my sister not my friend, dna be damned – I can’t rely on family like I can Cris. If it wasn’t for sister; I’d go absolutely fucking insane. I wish I could help more, I’m trying to help keep her place but I want to be able to help her more because she needs it but I’m too damn busy helping her grown kids here. It’s a constant aggravation with me.

Do not take this as I feel burdened by it, it just gets to me at times.


It’s a Reba McEntire type of day for me, listening to the CD Love Somebody


#Jobs #InsufficientFunds #StackThisPaper

Nike is the only shoe for me from now on.


Nike shoes are the best.

I am far from a Nike fangirl but I use to wear New Balance, Sketchers and numerous others. Before a year was up my feet would be killing me and I’d chalk it up to I needed new shoes. Just recently threw away my first pair of Nikes because the soles were falling off of ’em A lot of love for them damn shoes but I had to get another pair. It was time. Although, I had a second pair, I liked the first ones the best.

I go through Academy each time I buy a pair of Nike’s, no different from this last time. I bought the ones in the picture. These were on sale but I’m considered cheap because I don’t pay 300 dollars for a pair of shoes. It’s not that, I wouldn’t. It’s that I’m a responsible adult for the most part and I pay my bills first.

Yes, they cost me 60$ but if anyone wants me to have 200$ Nikes, then they need to donate me a pair or leave me alone. I could still be asking you and my mama to rub my feet every day! Just set back and be grateful that the expensive ones you had that I wore one day made my feet fall in love with Nike.

Anyway, went on a tangent for a bit, didn’t I? Gained my first pair of bliss 3 years ago. Would have kept wearing them had I not came up with enough money for new ones.

Being able to put on a pair of shoes and not have to break them in, is freaking amazing. So, I guess the old adage goes – don’t knock it till you try it.

Okay, that’s a damn lie, I am not ever trying menudo.

Back to listening to Eminem.
Recovery (Deluxe Edition) – Eminem


#Nike #Shoes #CheapVsReal

Emotions getting in the way of living life to the fullest.

Emotions suck

Emotions suck!

Emotions either make you happy or sad or scared. Sometimes, they just plain ol’ get in the way of life. You can’t stop who you fall in love with or who makes you want to commit murder or one that makes you wanna do all of it but you’d miss the miserable bastard.

So, yeah, emotions have been fucking with my existence lately. On some days, it was welcomed and other days, it wasn’t worth the pain nor the anger.

Please sign me up for the old cat lady subscription, fuck love at this moment, I want to be left alone but wait come back – I want you to fucking cuddle with me first. I’m crazy and it’s hard. I have issues and I know this but damn it, I don’t drown the problems with a bottle of alcohol every night. Sometimes, I’ll go years without ever getting drunk again. Because WHY? Oh yeah, I already said it, I like my fucking money!

Of course, this shit is all my fault, I fell for a drug addict. I knew he wasn’t going to change anytime soon, hell I don’t think he’ll ever change. BUT when I became his friend and started sleeping with him, I didn’t expect to fall. Before we get to the point of saying, well you had sex with him. Quit associating sex with love. I don’t, I’m capable of sexing a guy and sending him on the way like he’s the chick. Bad reference, ladies, I know. Diablo and I didn’t have sex on day one or even day 25.

After we had sex, I’d go back to my place, not stay at my girl’s house who was unfortunately dating Diablo’s cousin at the time. Id leave because yo!, that’s what you do when its friends with benefits. You don’t get clingy with the person, you go on your way and then go drink beer together days later. BITCH, you do not start pestering people about where I’m at. None of your business, sir, I’m not your girlfriend. Remember, that was your rule. I was cool with it. So, why you wanna have me around you all the time until you met my crazy but you still come around and you took care of me. But it ain’t like that. NO other girl can call you in the middle of the night and ask for vehicle help but I can.

I have a bunch of why questions but I can’t bring myself to fucking ask you because you’re an asshole. You’re not single because you can’t deal with crazy, you deal with me like a motherfucking champion. You’re single because of the drugs and alcohol. There’s no woman alive that can match me in your life. I know this, I’m confident in that. They can try but they just wont be me! I see past your bullshit, so dear love, if you want to keep me. Clean, sober and man the fuck up.


Oops, so this went into a dear asshole letter. I just needed to vent.


PS… That cat lady box link is legit! LMAO



Ladies , you or the man you’re fucking needs to have mechanical know how!

ladies and tires

ladies can do this too

 I’m going to be completely honest now. I’m sick and tired of seeing young people and a lot of ladies that can’t change a tire or know how to check their oil.

Ladies, this trend has got to stop. You really need to learn how to simple maintenance yourself but since we know some of you are never going to do it..

While I love my best friend to death; I want to cause physical harm to her daughters at times. Neither girl and I say girl because of their lack of know how on how to do any thing when it comes to their vehicle.

One claims she did listen to mom when MOM changed her daughter’s fucking oil. Not a problem with that but the daughter had a boyfriend at the time; that couldn’t even plug a tire! I’m not even sure that idiot could change a tire let alone doing anything more than starting it and driving it.

But what started this post is one had a “blow out” last night and guess who got woke up an hour after they went to sleep. Yep, you got it! I DID! I was gonna go get one of my friend’s daughter in a town over because she forgot to put her spare back into her truck from when she was with this one guy. The guy wouldn’t bring her the spare and jack. I didn’t have to go but the mere fact that I go woke up for this is ridiculous.

Not only that, I’m probably going to have to leave work early tomorrow to get the truck in the first place. So, my friend or myself will have to change the tire for her!

I can change my own tires, oil and brakes. I have the MAN I’m fucking do it because he’s quicker at it than me but I can do it!

Let’s not mention that my “friend” changed out the brakes and rotor on this truck in question and plug the tire of the other sister’s vehicle. All because these girls are giving their vaginas out to little boys who can’t do these simple tasks.

Tonight at work, there’s a 25 year old man who can’t do these tasks himself. SMDH!

SO LADIES, pay attention to me. You know you can’t afford a mechanic and you’re too lazy to learn. Then fuck a man who can and will be willing to help you out.
What are they going to do when something happens to their mother and I ? What if I become pregnant and can’t help them all the time? They gonna throw their hands up in the air and run a way? SO YES girls! If you’re not willing to learn simple life skills – then market your pussy the right way!

The sad thing of this all – is my “friend” is a crack addicted drunk that I can count on more than any sober man I’ve ever met and seems to be everyone these girls know!


#Ladies #CarMaintenance

Drowning me slowly as of new but also of old

Drowning Me Slowly

Drowning me Slowly

Drowning me slowly was the name of my old blog on the old .com url that I can no longer have because I don’t have 900 dollars to shell out for it. Maybe in the future, I do not know. Anyway, I really wanted to stick with Ella’s World but alas, there are way too many blogs with that name!

Drowning me slowly was and still is my life but I really wanted Ella’s World. Oh well, I guess that’s what happens, sometimes.
So, yeah – I did a name switch because of the realization of the multiple sites named Ella’s World!

And in completely random news, if anybody notices two pictures displaying horizontal instead of vertical. I have no idea why, they look fine on Microsoft Edge but look like crap on Safari on iPhone and Chrome on my laptop. I always multi view browsers for compatibility.

music to me is medicine, it speaks the words that I sometimes can’t.



Muzic is a daily thing for me and I’m sure for you as well. 75% of the time when I’m updating my sites or working – I’m listening to something. I listen to everything from Metallica to Hank Williams. I’ve also never let music determine the direction of my life; same goes for video games. I do not understand how some people can listen to what one artist may have or may not have gone through and I want to become like that. I never fancied the idea of shooting people or shooting a cop just because I listen to Ice T.I just wish people around me would realize that if I have headphones in at home; it’s best advised to not bother me during those times.

Music also gets on my nerves at times.

The only time the sounds of artists get on my nerves is when it’s blaring from a neighbor at 2 in the morning. I may be up but it doesn’t mean I need to hear what they’re listening to at that time. Lower the damn sound and enjoy it for yourself. Don’t be an asshole.

I also don’t like rolling boom boxes, most of the time – vehicles that have amps and extra speakers sound horrible. If you can’t balance it correctly; then you don’t need it! Of course, now a days, I think it’s just a way for young dumbass boys to impress their girlfriend at the time. Unfortunately for some of those boys, some of those girls feel exactly the way I do.

My friend blares the radio in my truck and I just roll my eyes. He has it so loud that he has to put the treble all the way up because he “can’t” hear the words when I have the bass up. Quit blaring it and you won’t have that issue, genius!


Pills that make you feel better, feel bad or goofy as hell!


Spoon full of pills!

Pills are my best friend as of late!

So, I had been having issues with my period for a long while and it was to point where I was having to miss work. I don’t like missing work per say but I don’t like working there either. Anyway, I don’t want to make this post all about my period because I want to save that one for something different. Yes, I’m trying to be all SEO will my blog now because I’m trying to make money off of it this time. I don’t want my best girl friend to lose hers and mama’s house because of lack of real help from her own family.

I’ll save my rant about what her brother caused for another day. Just know this, if he ever reads this. FUCKER, you’re dead to me. Don’t ask me for anything ever again. You owe me close to 2000$, remember that! What you did to your sister and your mother’s legacy is beyond appalling. You disgust me to no end.

So, back to the pills – I had to take one for everything this year it seemed. I felt like a pill popping junkie from taking the birth control, iron, multi-vitamin and the cayenne pepper pills.

Now that I’m sick, I get to take even more. I did just read that cayenne peppers help with sore throats and so, I’m going to try that. I don’t know if it’ll do any good but it did for my period. Fuck it, it’s worth a shot, I say. I’ll report back on rather or not the cayenne pepper helps for a sore throat. I know the damn cough drops aren’t doing me any good.

I love the fact that I’m getting older.

No, not really, it sucks. I use to never get sinus infections, have allergy issues. When I was younger all I had to do was avoid people who were sick and that’s all it took. My body decided I need seasonal allergies. Fuck you  allergies, hay fever, sneezing and sinus infections.



I know for a fact jalapenos helped me to shed 50 pounds last year that I have kept off. So, chew away on your pepper of choice!


#LongLivePeppers #Period

And now this….

Seems I’m coming down with something. 

First I believe it was food poisoning and now a sore throat. What the hell?!

Early Morning Bird. I mean it’s 2 AM again and here I am up!

Early morning hours suck!

Early Morning Hours

Here we are again..


Actually this time, it’s not that bad. I’m doing stuff I haven’t done in a while and would lose track of it because I would become consumed with my stress of every day life.

Truck breaking down, my period wrecking havoc on my life ( definitely a post for the future ), fighting with my best friend about his drug addiction, work sucking the life out of me and an overall disdain for people around me.

NOW – It’s about me for the most part, I still help others where I can but I’m learning to say no and not feel bad about it. Why should I?
There the ones causing the stress in my life. So, my daily answers are no I wont help, no I wont go over there and no, you can’t have money.
I keep my friends small for a reason; I don’t get along with a lot of people.

I don’t care that I don’t have a lot of friends.

As I grow older I care less and less what people think of me, how I talk, what I look like and how I have my damn hair. Even though, I just recently saw a picture from the past from about 7 years ago and I pretty much close to my natural hair color. I loved the pic, I loved it then. I think I may let the hair grow out again but I doubt it – my ac is out in my truck and it’s still freaking hot around here. It has its bouts of cold weather but for the most part West Texas is still HOT.



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